Most of you may know that I have a problem. With Instagram, I mean. Everything else is absolutely fine with me: I do not hurt myself because I work out too much and/or because I stay seated and watch too many Youtube videos, I did not stop drinking because I could not stop drinking, I do not have a problem with making my mind up about what I want to do next in life (professional juggler, obviously)… in other words, I’m a perfectly healthy individual. Apart from Instagram.
Because I go on the app so much and like so many pictures on it (which may or may not be related with the not having a day job situation) that I occasionally get blocked because I liked too many too quickly. And they don’t like that, because they don’t want you to be hacking the system, which is people organically stumbling upon your work while browsing through the app, provided they also don’t have a day job (it happens). And, otherwise, you’ll stay with your 223 followers, about 12 of whom will like everything you post while the rest never actually put up anything on their profile. You know, what normal people with a normal life do.
Whenever I get blocked, I usually have to wait for a day until I can start liking pictures again. Meanwhile, I can still post stuff, answer comments on my pics, you know, the essentials. A couple of days ago, when my wife was out of town for work and I had even more time on my hand, things got a little weird(er). As in, I liked so many pictures one day that I started getting messages from Instagram saying my account may be compromised and that a third party app may have hacked my Instagram profile.
I’ll repeat: I’d liked so many pictures that Instagram thought I was a f**king bot. I know I may look insensitive and/or self-centered at times, but calling me a machine is something I don’t hear every day. And it’s a huge compliment. Except when it’s coming from Instagram and they consider it a good enough reason to ask you to change your password. That’s right: they essentially forced me to change my password in order to ensure that this third party app they claimed was at play didn’t hack into my account unbeknownst to me. All the while ignoring the fact that it was me, with my stupid little fingers, who spent way too many hours that day liking every other picture posted under the #blackandwhite hashtag, going at it so fast it almost felt like I was back playing Tetris (another old addiction of mine, but let’s not get into it, I think we’ve had enough).
And so I changed my password. Twice: because yeah, I did that s**t again the next day. And, when I tried to put my original password back in, the app specifically requested I use a brand new one instead, thus making absolutely certain I was not being hacked because of my own personal stupidity. Consequently guaranteeing that, if anything else happened on my account from then on, it would be 100% on me and not on some Russian hacker (or Chinese, I’m not racist). And guess what…
Yesterday, as I was deep in thought on yet another project that may end up being my fourth blog (yeah, I currently have 2 more of these because, again, I’m a perfectly well adjusted individual), I forgot all the rules and started furiously clicking away on pictures all over again. Then I got a full screen message saying that my account had been “compromised”. Like, no shit, this has happened to me on and off for 10 days now… So I changed my password - again - and got back onto the app - again - and then tried to answer a comment somewhat had made under one of my pictures. In return, I got a message saying that a) I couldn’t do anything on Instagram anymore (not even post new stuff… for real…) and b) that would last for a week.
So I have 2 options: either pick up Chinese (useful to talk to my fellow hackers) or get a life. Honestly, Chinese doesn’t seem to be that hard a language.