A while ago, as I was walking past one of the hunks working out on weekday mornings at my gym, I couldn’t help but smell the veritable cloud of deodorant he left behind him. This led to 2 immediate observations:
1) There is such a thing as too much deodorant, as many historians, anthropologists and anyone with common sense clearly noticed before I did;
2) There is also such a thing as not enough deodorant: I don’t wear any, and I don’t appear to smell all that much, but what if this was only a consequence of me being used to my own smell, the same way you get used to poo smell when you have a young child — I assume?
I mean, I’m a clean individual — I shower almost every day — and I tend to be careful not to sweat anyway — public transportation is there for a reason (along with Uber) — so I guess I don’t smell all that bad. Still, to be on the safe side, the next time we went grocery shopping, I bough myself deodorant.
Fiancée: What is that for?
Me: For the gym, not to stink, you know…
Fiancée: What have you been doing so far?
Fiancée: You mean to tell me you lied about going to the gym for an entire year?
Me: No… I mean I’ve been going dry. The three times I went.
Fiancée: Right. With no regard for your fellow bodybuilder…
Me: Thanks for calling me a bodybuilder!
Fiancée: I was talking about the other guy…
Me: Still. You complete me, honey.
Anyway, I brought the thing back home, put it on a shelf… and left it there. For months. Once in a while, my fiancée would ask if I was ever going to use it or if she could throw it away — it took space away from jewellery, I assume — and I would insist on keeping it around, just in case.
This morning (11:45), as I was getting ready to head to the gym, I noticed the deodorant… and decided I might as well try it. Why today, you ask? Because the cat was looking at me funny, that’s why. OK, truth be told, he always does that, so there was no specific reason, other than the fact that I sometimes try my best to act rationally, and use the products I bought for their meant purpose.
And then I forgot about it.
Half an hour in my work out, as I was struggling with my chest exercices — my right shoulder still hurts from a November injury, which is the only reason why that movement is hard, obviously — I smelled deodorant. It was unmistakable, thanks to my newfound knowledge of the topic. I looked around to understand where it came from: no one was using any of the machines around me, and I just couldn’t imagine how I could smell the closest guy from here, unless he accidentally fell in the tub at the deodorant factory. Then came straight to the gym. And I only noticed now. Somewhat unlikely (see? rational…).
Then, after a few seconds, I understood what had happened: the smell came from me, as I raised my arms up in my suffering. Which proved 2 things:
1) The deodorant worked;
2) I might have to start using it every day.
Every day I’m working out, that is. So, about once a month.