My name is GH and I am an addict. Of anything, really: back in the day, it was vodka and beer (then again, I was living in Russia at the time); then a lot of Youtube when I quit my day job (then again, we all need a break sometimes, even if said break lasts for a couple of months; or years); then, more recently, Instagram.
I know there are better Instagram hacks — including literal ones, with apps that get you followers by liking pics automatically — but my thing is pretty low tech: to get more traffic coming to my account, I just go ahead and click on as many pics as I can by my very own self. Mostly in the black and white “community” — that’s what I call the #blackandwhite hashtag: represent — and mostly right after I’m done posting my pic of the day to get people interested immediately. It’s the long tail story: people will mostly come like your stuff in the first few minutes they’re posted. Then it goes right into the pile of internet content that no one has time to check out. Except for a few weirdos who’ll comment on your picture from a year ago with “Best picture I have ever seen!”. To each their own.
Anyway, Monday, I was casually liking #blackandwhite pictures while watching Youtube videos deriding Trump, as one does, and I kind of lost track. This is my idea of meditation, really: if you click compulsively on your phone while watching some comedian being interviewed on AOL Build, chances are your mind will start roaming freely and you might eventually come up with interesting thoughts. Or just waste an hour of your time, whichever. But, that afternoon, I was in a creative mood and I really started brainstorming all on my own while clicking like a madman on pictures of city streets in the dark.
The golden rule of my hack is that you shouldn’t click on too many pictures, or too quickly, or else the app will flag you as a potential robot. That’s right: you actually run the risk of being mistaken with an AI. Because robots are barely a reality and already being discriminated against (I mean, that’s one way to look at it). Since I was so enthralled by my incredibly original thoughts — none of which I remember today, surprisingly — I kind of forgot about that rule. And started clicking on anything and everything as fast as I could. Until I got this message: “You’re temporarily blocked. It looks like you were misusing this feature by going too fast”.
To be entirely honest, this is not the first time I have this happen to me. This is not even the second time. Basically, I like being mistaken with a robot, it makes me feel special. More candidly, when I’m deep enough in thought, I loose all my good digital manners. And end up essentially being kicked out of Instagram for 2 days.
2 days, people. And I’m absolutely fine.